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A Few Well-Frozen Worms
Par Ronnie Barker. 2014
With a fondness for spoonerisms and double entendres, Ronnie Barker is one of the nation’s greatest comics. Gathered together in…
this second ‘best of’ volume is a cocktail of his sketches and monologues from every strand of his long and brilliant career.Felix the Railway Cat
Par Kate Moore. 2017
**THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER - AS SEEN ON THE ONE SHOW**It will make you laugh and it will make you…
cry: Felix The Railway Cat is the extraordinary tale of a close-knit community and its amazing bond with a very special cat. 'The global sensation' Daily Telegraph When Felix arrived at Yorkshire's Huddersfield Train Station as an eight-week-old kitten, no one knew just how important this little ball of fluff would become. Although she has a vital job to do as 'Senior Pest Controller', Felix is much more than just an employee of TransPennine Express. Felix changes lives in surprising ways. She is always ready to leap into action and save the day: from bringing a boy with autism out of his shell to providing comfort to a runaway child shivering on the platform one night. So when tragedy hits the team at Huddersfield, it is only Felix who can pull them back together. But a chance friendship with a commuter that she waits for her on the platform every morning finally gives Felix the recognition she deserves, catapulting her to international stardom . . . Royalties from the sale of this book will be donated to Prostate Cancer UK (registered charity 1005541, SC039332).English Humour for Beginners
Par George Mikes. 1980
'To write a book is hard; to write a funny book is harder; to write a funny book both wise…
and funny is the prerogative of Mr. Mikes' The Times_________________________If you want to succeed here you must be able to handle the English sense of humour.So proclaims George Mikes' timeless exploration of this curious phenomenon. Whether it's understatement, self-deprecation or plain cruelty, the three elements he identifies as essential to our sense of humour, being witty here is a way of life.Perfectly placed as an adopted Englishman himself, Mikes delivers his shrewd advice - helpfully divided into 'Theory' and 'Practice' - with a comic precision that does his chosen country proud. Drawing on a trove of examples from our rich comic canon, from Orwell ("Every joke is a tiny revolution") to Oscar Wilde, this is the essential handbook for natives and foreigners alike.Mrs Kennedy: "I don't think, Mr Churchill, that I have told you anything about my grandchildren."Winston Churchill: "For which, madam, I am infinitely grateful."Fear of Hat Loss in Las Vegas
Par Brendon Burns. 2010
In early October 2004, Brendon Burns - a delusional, god-fearing, drug addict, manic depressive and award-winning comedian - has a…
vision of happiness. He imagines himself sitting with two friends in a convertible in the middle of a desert, and for once he feels totally in control of his life. With the (slightly inebriated) voices in his head assuring him that he can recreate this perfect moment, he clearly has no choice but to gather the troops and head out to the US of A in pursuit his dream... Fear of Hat Loss in Las Vegas is the true story of four men - Brendon and his friends Barry Castagnola (the everyman), Paul Provenza (an Italian New Yorker, devout atheist, actor and movie director), and Keith (Barry's dad and best friend) - and their search for happiness and redemption in the heart of the Nevada desert. Demented, depraved, dangerously addictive and yet with a deep heart, soul and spirit, it is a tale of debauchery, mushrooms, fate, hookers, coincidence, stand-up comedy, aliens, Vegas and, ultimately, friendship. Rude, insane, in your face (and off their faces), it is the story of the perfect road trip. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas - unless of course it's really funny. Then Brendon will write a f**king book about it...Dull Men of Great Britain: Celebrating the Ordinary (Dull Men's Club)
Par Leland Carlson. 2015
Neil collects bricks, Kevin is a roundabout enthusiast, John runs the Apostrophe Protection Society and Keith’s actual job is watching…
paint dry. They are members of the Dull Men’s Club and are passionate about the everyday, unglamorous things in life. They are dull and proud and urge the good ordinary men of the nation to join them now. Whether you have a thing for pylons or rhubarb, reclaim and celebrate the ordinary. Includes Free Honorary Membership.Predictable * Reliable * SafeEating Your Auntie Is Wrong: The World's Strangest Customs
Par Stephen Arnott. 2004
Crossing continents and centuries Stephen Arnott brings us invaluable information about all kinds of bizarre regional customs - from sexual…
practices to the received wisdom on cannibalism - that could save you from embarrassing local faux pas while travelling. Did you know that amongst the Tartars, relations of the bride and bridegroom would traditionally divide into two groups and fight each other until some had suffered bleeding wounds? It was thought that causing blood to flow in this way would ensure the couple had strong sons; or that in Hungary, a cure for infertility was to beat a barren woman with a stick? The stick having previously been used to separate mating dogs; or that amongst some Aboriginal tribes of New South Wales that men who had any contact with their mothers-in-law would suffer terrible hard luck? The threat was so great that married men even avoided looking in their mother-in-law's general direction.In 2009 Dr Samuel Johnson made a surprise re-emergence from eighteenth century retirement and began Twittering. It proved the perfect…
vehicle for his acerbic, aphoristic wit and he has quickly become the darling of the site. The Guardian calls him the 'greatest' thing on Twitter and the Telegraph dubs him its 'star'.Our gouty man of letters finds the modern world in a parlous state. It is peopled with fools like "Raisin-ey'd Tyrant Mister Nick GRIFFIN" and "BABOON-SLAYER, Fop, Macaroni, Dandy & Folderol, Mister AA Gill". His attempts to negotiate a path through the vagaries of modern life do not fare well either - for instance, on a trip to "Mister LIBERTY'S blast'd Haberdashery", upon finding "all else clad as Lumber-Jacks, I left thwart'd & alone... unwilling to dress as an unmanly Pastiche of Mister COBAIN." In his Dictionary of Modern Life, our gouty man of letters takes a wickedly funny look at all things modern. From Top Gear and the Daily Mail to Dubstep and Celebrity Big Brother, nothing escapes his sardonic gaze.The Doings of Hamish and Dougal: You'll Have Had Your Tea?
Par Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden. 2008
Hello there! You'll have had your tea? Dougal here. Well, here we go, with our wee book. It's a collection…
or pot pourri (I've no idea what Hamish means by that - it sounds like something to do with the Pope) of our activities or 'doings' in the village we call home, because that's exactly what it is.Together with our housekeeper, Mrs Naughtie, and of course, the Laird who lives up at the big hoose and shoots grouse and other bottles of whisky, these are the actual scripts of our wee show which we performed on the wireless, when most of you were probably in bed! Hamish and I have known each other all our lives - well, not yet, obviously! We have a very close relationship and also with each other. Mrs Naughtie been with us since we first met her at the Krankie Arms, where she was working as part-time barmaid and bouncer.In addition to the scripts you'll find all kinds of other things tucked away under its kilt. There's a hectic social life in the village. You'll visit the 'bide a wee' café, proud possessor of three Michelin tyres. You'll have a conducted tour of the big hoose by Big Tam, our local guide (not during opening hours). You'll marvel at the site of the Battle of Auchtermuchty, now allotments. You'll peek into the Laird's social diary in 'oot and aboot' (40p at the post office). And a great deal more.Well, I hope this wee note will make you hurry to the till and spend the terrible amount of money these wee books cost these days. But then again this particular wee book is Scotland's answer to Richard and Judy! Hurrah!Away now ...Everything I Know I Learned From TV: Philosophy For the Unrepentant Couch Potato
Par Mark Rowlands. 2010
Everything I Know I Learned From TV uses characters we all know and love and their TV worlds to explain…
the great questions of philosophy. The only qualifications you need to join in are ownership of a sofa, a remote control, a sense of humour and an enquiring mind. The philosophy discussed is very much 'life' philosophy, answering the questions we all want to know: How do you define what is a good life to lead? The Simpsons disagree over the right way to live with Nietzsche and Diogenes on hand to take sides. What is real happiness? Aristotle fights Descartes for the heart and mind of Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw. Can a good person do a bad thing? Kant and Socrates pay a call on Tony Soprano and his latter-day Mob to talk moral philosophy. Where does love end and friendship begin? Rachel and Ross ask Plato about the philosophy of emotions and wonder if they're just good friends. Is the pursuit of self-knowledge a good thing? Socrates helps Niles and Frasier Crane and their dad deal with the relative merit of the examined and the unexamined life. And much more.Everyday Superhero: How You Can Inspire Everyone And Create Real Change At Work
Par Tony O'Driscoll, Gary Zamchick. 2022
'An entertaining tale with a serious message . . . we can rebuild our institutions with people at the centre…
and progress as the result!' Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of DriveAre you struggling to create profound, lasting change in your organisation? Everyday Superhero is a simple story with a powerful solution. Meet a stressed young manager, Mae B, whose teams are being led by an authoritarian CEO. We join her on her mission to overhaul the outdated leadership systems obsessed by power, profit and process and fight for central leadership that prioritises people, purpose and principles. It's the start of a journey into a new vision of leadership, one that has been designed to take on the challenges that organisations face today. And if we follow Mae B's lead, we can all create change, when we need it most. Developed from the author's academic research at Duke University, this memorable adventure will help you create lasting change in complex and chaotic times.'This powerful book tells the story of how leaders can unlock every employee's superpower to create lasting change' Dorie Clark, bestselling author of The Long GameThe Essex Joke Book
Par Nicholas Knights. 2012
WARNING: This book contains laugh-out-loud jokes about fake tans, vajazzles and all fings EssexForget the Rolex or the flash car,…
what you really need in your life to make your friends well jel is The Essex Joke Book. It’s packed full of bling-tastic banter, racy rib-ticklers and gob-smackingly good gags all about Essex Girls and Boys, their tans and tribulations, conquests and cock-ups, and more. How can you tell an Essex Girl has been using her iPad? There’s Tipp-Ex on the screen.What do you call the skeleton of an Essex Boy in a wardrobe?Last year’s hide-and-seek champion.What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?An Essex Girl doing naked cartwheels.An Essex Girl gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. ‘You can go and play with the other kids, you know,’ she says.‘It’s best I stay here,’ he says.‘Why?’ asks the Essex Girl.The boy says: ‘Because I’m the f**king goalkeeper.’Don't Stop Me Now
Par Jeremy Clarkson. 2007
Jeremy Clarkson puts the pedal to the floor in Don't Stop Me Now; a collection of his Sunday Times motoring…
journalism. There's more to life than cars. Jeremy Clarkson knows this. There is, after all, a whole world out there just waiting to be discovered. So, before he gets on to torque steer and active suspension, he takes time out to consider: • The madness of Galapagos tortoises • The similarities between Jeremy Paxman and AC/DC's bass guitarist • The problems and perils of being English • God's dumbest creation Then there are the cars: whether it's the poxiest little runabout or an exotic, firebreathing supercar, no one does cars like Clarkson. Unmoved by mechanics' claims and unimpressed by press junkets, he approaches anything on four wheels without fear or favour. What emerges from the ashes is rarely pretty. But always very, very funny. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store. Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.Don't Laugh, It'll Only Encourage Her: The No 1 Sunday Times Bestseller
Par Daisy May Cooper. 2021
THE SUNDAY TIMES NO. 1 BESTSELLERDiscover the hilarious memoir written by the most relatable woman in the world - Daisy…
May Cooper, creator and star of BBC's award-winning comedy This Country'Thank goodness for gloriously silly Daisy May Cooper. Joyful, irreverent and totally uplifting' THE TIMES'Hilarious. A riot from start to finish' DAILY EXPRESS'Bloody brilliant, like the woman herself' HEAT______I've always had an over-active imagination and felt the urge to be a massive f**king show-off so acting seemed like the obvious choice of career. There was never anything else I wanted to do more. But fulfilling my ambition wasn't going to be easy . . .I grew up battling rural poverty which was a struggle enough but my family were completely insane to boot. Together with my brother Charlie, I staggered my way through adolescence from one drama to the next until finally, after years of trying, we had This Country commissioned by the BBC.By sharing tales of how I accidentally auditioned to be a pole-dancer to being catfished by a one-armed internet boyfriend, I answer all of life's great mysteries:Could I count wall plaster as one of my five-a-day?Would I find the afterlife in the back of a shitty pub?Who dropped the monster turd at the fake audition?And just how much of a humiliating, ridiculous, screw-up of a s**t-storm life did I need to lead before I could finally realise my dream?Drugs: A User's Guide
Par Mike Haskins. 2003
Searching for the ultimate stimulant? Something you can have on the bus in the morning or in the ambient comfort…
of your own home? The latest User's Guide - a totally natural and controlled experience - is just what you've been looking for. It contains everything you always wanted to know about drugs but were afraid to ask: The history of recreational drugs, a catalogue of natural highs and pharmaceuticals, the physiological effects, drugs and religion, drugs and the law, drug customs from around the world, trafficking drugs, drugs in literature, film and art, famous drug takers, drug slang, urban myths, drug legends and horror stories, quotations, tales of outrageous behaviour and a kilo of curious facts and figures. Did you know that- --Scientists have found traces of marijuana among Shakespeare's personal effects--Victorian prime minister Lord Rosebery would snort cocaine to help pep up his public speakingDriven to Distraction
Par Jeremy Clarkson. 2009
Jeremy Clarkson is once more Driven to Distraction.Brace yourself. Clarkson's back.And he'd like to tell you what he thinks about…
some of the most awe-inspiring, earth-shatteringly fast and jaw-droppingly cool cars in the world (oh, and a few irredeemable disasters...).Or he would if he could just get one or two things off his chest first. Matters such as: * The prospect of having Terry Wogan as president* Why you'll never see a woman driving a Lexus * The unforeseen consequences of inadequate birth control * Why everyone should spend a weekend with a diggerDriven to Distraction is Jeremy Clarkson at full throttle. So buckle up, sit tight and enjoy the ride. You're in for a hell of a lot of laughs. Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening StandardDave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure
Par Dave Gorman. 2005
If someone called you a 'googlewhack' what would you do? Would you end up playing table tennis with a nine…
year-old boy in Boston? Would you find yourself in Los Angeles wrangling snakes, or would you go to China to be licked by a performance artist? If your name is Dave Gorman, then all of these things could be true.Fuelled by a lust for life and a desperate desire to do anything except what he's supposed to be doing (writing that novel and growing up), Dave falls under the spell of an obscure internet word game - Googlewhacking. Addicted to the game, and gripped by obsession, Dave travels three times round the world, visiting four continents and the unlikeliest cast of real life eccentrics you'll ever meet in what becomes an epic challenge, a life-changing, globe-trotting Googlewhack adventure.Danny Wallace and the Centre of the Universe
Par Danny Wallace. 2006
Danny Wallace wanted to write about a place so special and so crucial to our existence that it had never…
before been tackled: the Centre of the Universe. But then he realised that getting there might be a problem, and when he did, there'd probably be nothing much to write about. Until he heard about a manhole cover, on a small street, in a small town, tucked away in a remote part of Idaho.The manhole cover had been declared the Centre of the Universe. The mayor had the science to back it up. The town rejoiced.And the name of the town?Wallace.It was a cosmic coincidence Danny couldn't resist...Dancing By The Light of The Moon: Over 250 poems to read, relish and recite
Par Gyles Brandreth. 1992
Discover Dancing by the Light of the Moon, a collection of poetry to last you a lifetime - poems that…
will bring you joy, solace, celebration and love for every occasion'Gyles has discovered the secret of finding happiness' DAME JUDI DENCHIncludes an updated chapter of poems to bring you hope and happiness this year _______ A POEM CAN . . . Comfort · Challenge · Be a friend Stretch your vocabulary Help you sleep · Break the ice Find you a lover · Be utter nonsense Console · Make you laugh - or cry For every moment in your life there is a poem.In Dancing by the Light of the Moon we have a remarkable collection of over 250 best-loved poems in the English-speaking world.Allow Gyles Brandreth to be your guide to not only the wonders of poetry - and there are many - but also its practical uses in everyday life. Whether seeking some words to reflect your mood, wanting to celebrate or mark an occasion or simply looking for lines of comfort and joy in difficult times, this collection has everything for readers of poetry both young and old, novices and old hands alike, will love and return to again and again._______ 'Over 400 pages of top-notch poems by everyone from Shakespeare to Simon Armitage' Daily Mail 'A collection of poems that will transform your memory and change your life' Dr Max PembertonDim Wit: The Funniest, Stupidest Things Ever Said
Par Rosemarie Jarski. 2008
'They misunderestimated me' George W. Bush Einstein said only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. So…
in deference to the dumbing down of our culture, comes Dim Wit - a collection of the most jaw-droppingly stupid things ever said. The cast includes every famous foot-in-mouther from George W Bush to Prince Philip, Paris Hilton to Jade Goody, not to mention hundreds of unsung idiots plucked from villages the world over. The result is a confederacy of dunces more pro-fun than profound - a clever witticism may coax an inward smile but it takes a really stupid remark to deliver a belly laugh. So pick up Dim Wit and prepare to embrace your inner moron - it may be the smartest thing you do...'My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery. After a while, one said to the other, "Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home."' - Robyn Jankel'I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.' - Samuel Goldwyn 'Winston Churchill? Wasn't he the first black President of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.' - Danielle LloydDiddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly
Par Jeremy Clarkson. 2023
Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy ClarksonWelcome back…
to Clarkson's Farm. Since taking the wheel three years ago Jeremy's had his work cut out. And it's now clear from hard-won experience that, when it comes to farming, there's only one golden rule:Whatever you hope will happen, won't.Enthusiastic schemes to diversify have met with stubborn opposition from the red trouser brigade, defeat at the hands of Council Planning department, and predictable derision from Kaleb - although, to be fair, even Lisa had doubts about Jeremy's brilliant plan to build a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup. And only Cheerful Charlie is still smiling about the stifling amount of red tape that's incoming . . . But he charges by the hour.Then there are the animals: the sheep are gone; the cows have been joined by a rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro;. the pigs are making piglets; and the goats have turned out to be psychopaths.But despite the naysayers and (sometimes self-inflicted) setbacks, Jeremy remains irrepressibly optimistic about life at Diddly Squat. Because It's hard not to be when you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner.And, after all, it shouldn't just be Break-heart Maestro who gets to enjoy a happy ending . . .Diddly Squat, Number 1 Sunday Times bestseller, October 2022