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How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome
Par Frank J. Fleming. 2012
The United States of America is the greatest country on earth. That's not good enough. Frank J. Fleming, author of…
the satire Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything and a leading authority on America's awesomeness, strikes back against the doom and gloom about America's future with a plan to ensure the United States's greatness for years to come. Fleming's solution aren't the usual small-minded ideas you hear from politicians and pundits, but the bold, unique ideas that the greatest country on earth deserves—ideas that will solve all of America's problems, forever! Fleming offers simple, common sense ideas to make sure our best years are ahead of us, such as:Simplify Supreme Court casesOutlaw whiningConsolidate and reduce the number of countries worldwideConquer and dominate the environmentEnd border disputes by making sure no other country touches usLaunch a nuclear strike against the moon for world peaceThese aren't solutions you'll find anywhere else. They're the outside the box thinking that America needs. Fleming hopes to make the United States so much more than a shining city on a hill: With How to Fix Everything in America Forever, Fleming helps us see the path towards making the US a blazing inferno on a mountaintop that will fill the world with fear and awe for generations to come.Maybe Your Leg Will Grow Back!: Looking on the Bright Side with Baby Animals
Par Amanda McCall, Ben Schwartz. 2011
Finding the bright side of a terrible situation has never been easier, thanks to the adorable baby animal postcards found…
in Maybe Your Leg Will Grow Back. Amanda McCall and Ben Schwartz, nationally bestselling authors of Grandma’s Dead and Why is Daddy in a Dress?, are back with their third collection of cuteness designed to soften life’s unexpected blows, whether you’re dealing with shark attacks, incurable diseases, or incarcerations in filthy third world prisons. With delicious dark humor in vein of The Bunny Suicides, Maybe Your Leg Will Grow Back even includes a bonus DIY crafts section to help you find the sunny side of any catastrophe.Scared of Santa: Scenes of Terror in Toyland
Par Denise Joyce, Nancy Watkins. 2008
He's huge and hairy and hulking. He dresses in strange furry clothing. He sneaks into people's homes at night.Who wouldn't be afraid…
of . . . Santa Claus?!?Nothing says Christmas quite like innocent children shrieking with terror as a stranger dressed in red drags them kicking and screaming onto his lap. Now this time-honored rite of passage is celebrated with a hilarious collection of more than two hundred and fifty priceless photos of kids' traumatic trips to Santa's workshop. Scared of Santa offers a cornucopia of photographic funnies—from sixty-year-old family heirlooms to last year's howlers—along with delightful commentary on those unforgettable childhood visits to scary ol' Saint Nick.Dogs Rough and Smooth: Foreword By Susan Orlean
Par Lucy Dawson. 1937
Foreword by Susan OrleanA charming facsimile edition of celebrated British illustrator Lucy Dawson’s 1937 classic collection of highly detailed and…
loveable drawings of dogs, complete with a cloth spine and ribbon marker—the companion volume to the acclaimed Dogs As I See Them.Lucy Dawson, also known as "Mac," was a preeminent British illustrator in the 1930s and 1940s revered for her paintings and etchings of dogs, from sporting and non-sporting breeds to hounds and herders. Though she worked in numerous mediums—pencil, pen, ink, and oil—her pastels set her work apart. Noted for her commercial dog postcards and her delightful "Tailwagger" series, she also created a "Puppies" series of 40 cigarette cards during World War II—produced in a limited quantity due to wartime restrictions on paper—which have become a rare collector’s item today. One of her most famous works is her portrait of "Dookie," the British Royal Family’s favorite Corgie, which was later reproduced as a Royal Family Christmas card.Dawson also published several books, including the beloved Dogs As I See Them, and its follow-up, Dogs Rough and Smooth. Now, Dogs Rough and Smooth is available in a lovely facsimile edition for a new generation discovering her superb craftsmanship. Printed on an uncoated stock that simulates the look and feel of a sketchbook, this delightful volume is filled with her beautiful, endearing drawings of a range of breeds. The illustrations are accompanied by notes in Dawson’s own handwriting as well as a short anecdotal text that provides amusing insight into the personalities of her canine models and the experience of drawing each.A stunning reproduction of this classic work filled with full-color and black-and-white complete drawings and sketches, Dogs Rough and Smooth features a foreword by acclaimed writer Susan Orlean, and is packaged in a three-piece case with a beautiful cloth spine and long ribbon bookmark. Dogs Rough and Smooth is sure to be a collector's item treasured by dog lovers of all ages and art connoisseurs for years to come.Home Baked: My Mom, Marijuana, and the Stoning of San Francisco
Par Alia Volz. 2020
Winner of the California Bookseller Association's Golden Poppy Award for Nonfiction Finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for…
Autobiography A San Francisco Chronicle Bestseller &“A portrait of a heroics, innovation, grit, and pot-baking . . . strikingly relevant . . . beautifully written.&”—Entertainment Weekly "A raunchy and rollicking account of a vanished era told by someone who paid very close attention to her larger-than-life parents. I gobbled it up like an edible."—Armistead Maupin In the 1970s, when cannabis was as illicit as heroin, Alia Volz&’s mother ran Sticky Fingers Brownies, a pioneering underground bakery that delivered ten thousand marijuana edibles per month to a city in the throes of change—from the joyous upheavals of gay liberation to the tragedy of the Peoples Temple. Dressed in elaborate costumes, Alia&’s parents hid in plain sight, parading through the city&’s circus-like atmosphere with the goods tucked into her stroller. When HIV/AIDS swept San Francisco in the 1980s, Alia&’s mom turned from dealer into healer, providing soothing edibles to those fighting for their lives at the dawn of medical marijuana. By turns heartbreaking, exhilarating, and laugh-out-loud funny, Home Baked celebrates an eccentric and remarkable extended family, taking us through love, loss, and finding home.Now with extra material, including a reading group guide, author Q&A, and additional photos!Comedy Sex God
Par Pete Holmes. 2019
Part autobiography, part philosophical inquiry, and part spiritual quest, Comedy Sex God is a hilarious, profound, and enlightening romp around…
the fertile mind of stand-up stand-out, podcast king, and HBO superstar Pete Holmes.Pete Holmes is a sold-out-every-night stand-up comedian with two HBO specials and the host of the hugely successful podcast You Made It Weird, and he was the creator-star of the hit HBO show Crashing. But it wasn’t always roses for Pete. Growing up, Pete was raised an evangelical Christian, but his religion taught him that being “bad”—smoking, drinking, having doubts or premarital sex—would get him sent to an eternity in hell. So, terrified of the God he loved, Pete devoted his life to being “good,” even marrying his first girlfriend at the age of twenty-two only to discover a few years later he was being cheated on. Thanks for nothing, God.Pete’s failed attempt at a picture-perfect life forced him to reexamine his beliefs, but neither atheism, nor Christianity, nor copious bottles of Yellow Tail led him to enlightenment. Pete longed for a model of faith that served him and his newfound uncertainties about the universe, so he embarked on a soul-seeking journey that continues to this day. Through encounters with mind-altering substances, honing his craft in front of thousands of his comedy fans, and spending time with savants like Ram Dass, Pete forged a new life—both spiritually and personally.Beautifully written and often completely hilarious—imagine Dass’s Be Here Now if penned by one of the funniest people alive—Comedy Sex God reveals a man at the top of his game and a seeker in search of the deeper meanings of life, love, and comedy.Still Life: Adventures in Taxidermy
Par Melissa Milgrom. 2009
After her curiosity is piqued by a safari gone awry, a journalist delves into the curious world of taxidermy and…
shares her findings.It’s easy to dismiss taxidermy as a kitschy or morbid sideline, the realm of trophy fish and jackalopes or an anachronistic throwback to the dusty diorama. Yet theirs is a world of intrepid hunter-explorers, eccentric naturalists, and gifted museum artisans, all devoted to the paradoxical pursuit of creating the illusion of life.Into this subculture of passionate animal-lovers ventures journalist Melissa Milgrom, whose journey stretches from the anachronistic family workshop of the last chief taxidermist for the American Museum of Natural History to the studio where an English sculptor, granddaughter of a surrealist artist, preserves the animals for Damien Hirst’s most disturbing artworks. She wanders through Mr. Potter’s Museum of Curiosities in the final days of its existence to watch dealers vie for preserved Victorian oddities, and visits the Smithsonian’s offsite lab, where taxidermists transform zoo skins into vivacious beasts. She tags along with a Canadian bear trapper and former Roy Orbison impersonator—the three-time World Taxidermy Champion—as he resurrects an extinct Irish elk using DNA studies and Paleolithic cave art for reference; she even ultimately picks up a scalpel and stuffs her own squirrel. Transformed from a curious onlooker to an empathetic participant, Milgrom takes us deep into the world of taxidermy and reveals its uncanny appeal.“Hilarious but respectful.” —Washington Post“Engrossing.” —New Yorker“[A] delightful debut . . . Milgrom has in Still Life opened up a whole world to readers.” —Chicago Tribune“Milgrom’s lively account will appeal to readers who enjoyed Mary Roach’s quirky science books.” —Library JournalStay Hungry
Par Sebastian Maniscalco. 2018
From comedian and actor Sebastian Maniscalco—star of the film About My Father with Robert DeNiro—an inspiring, honest, uproarious collection of…
essays tracing his career from playing boxing rings and bowling alleys to reaching the pinnacles of comedy success.At twenty-four, Sebastian Maniscalco arrived in LA with a suitcase and saved up minimum wages. He knew no one and nothing about standup comedy, but he was determined to go for it anyway.Two decades later, he&’s on the Forbes&’ list of highest earning comedians, selling out arenas, and starring in numerous hit comedy specials including Why Would You Do That? and Is It Me?.Stay Hungry tells the story of the twenty years in between. On the way from clueless rube to standup superstar, Seb was booed off stages; survived on tips and stolen food; got advice from mentors Andrew Dice Clay, Vince Vaughn, Tony Danza, and Jerry Seinfeld; fell in love; and stayed true to his Italian-immigrant roots. The one code that always kept him going: stay hungry, keep focused, never give up, and one day, you&’ll make it.Good Birders Still Don't Wear White: Passionate Birders Share the Joy of Watching Birds
Par Robert A. Braunfield, Richard Crossley, Pete Dunne, Kenn Kaufman, Michael O'Brien, Bill Thompson III, Julie Zickefoose. 2017
Avid North American birders share wit, wisdom, advice, and what fuels their passion for birds. Birding gets you outside,…
helps you de-stress, exercises your body and mind, puts your day-to-day problems in perspective, and can be lots of fun. Birders know this, and in this collection of thirty-seven brief essays, birders from diverse backgrounds share their sense of wonder, joy, and purpose about their passion (and sometimes obsession). From the Pacific Ocean to Central Park, from the rainforest in Panama to suburban backyards—no matter what their habitat, what good birders have in common is a curiosity about the natural world and a desire to share it with others. In these delightful essays, each accompanied by an endearing drawing, devoted birders reveal their passion to be fulfilling, joyful, exhilarating, and maybe even contagious. Contributors include many well-known birders, such as Richard Crossley, Pete Dunne, Kenn Kaufman, Michael O'Brien, Bill Thompson, and Julie Zickefoose—and a portion of the proceeds goes to the American Birding Association, North America's largest membership organization for active birders.Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
Par Alan Goldsher. 2010
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME TO REALLY MEET THE BEATLES.For John Lennon, a young, idealistic zombie guitarist with dreams of…
global domination, Liverpool seems the ideal place to form a band that could take over the world. In an inspired act, Lennon kills and reanimates local rocker Paul McCartney, kicking off an unstoppable partnership. With the addition of newly zombified guitarist George Harrison and drummer/Seventh Level Ninja Lord Ringo Starr, the Beatles soon cut a swath of bloody good music and bloody violent mayhem across Europe, America, and the entire planet.In this searing oral history, discover how the Fab Four climbed to the Toppermost of the Poppermost while stealing the hearts, ears, and brains of smitten teenage girls. Learn the tale behind a spiritual journey that resulted in the dismemberment of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Marvel at the seemingly indestructible quartet’s survival of a fierce attack by Eighth Level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono. And find out how the boys escaped eternal death at the hands of England’s greatest zombie hunter, Mick Jagger.Through all this, one mystery remains: Can the Beatles sublimate their hunger for gray matter, remain on top of the charts, and stay together for all eternity? After all, three of the Fab Four are zombies, and zombies live forever. . . .Diary of a Jackwagon
Par Tim Hawkins, John Driver. 2015
He&’s a comedian. He&’s a YouTube sensation. And now he becomes an author. Best known for his song parodies and…
riffs on yoga pants and homeschooling, Tim Hawkins now shares his perspective on life in the 21st century in his long-awaited debut book. Tim's topics are as wide-ranging as his stand-up comedy including marital communications (&“Marriage needs a challenge flag, like in pro football&”), worship music (&“Pick the right key, because I&’m not Barry White and I&’m not a Bee Gee&”), and food (&“Eating a Krispy Kreme donut is like eating a baby angel&”). Diary of a Jackwagon reveals a witty and relatable voice reminding readers that for life&’s many difficulties, laughter is always the best medicine – when there aren&’t any pills left.The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death.
Par Gene Weingarten. 2001
When every hiccup sounds like the call of doom, each stomach pang hints at incipient cancer, and a headache means…
it's time to firm up your last will and testament, The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death. provides just the relief you need. Gene Weingarten has spent his whole life immersed in the eclectic details of bizarre symptoms, self-diagnosing every minor ache as a potentially deadly disease. Weingarten examines:The mind of a hypochondriacHow your doctor can kill youUlcers and other visceral fearsThe snaps, crackles, and pops of your body that spell disasterThings that can take an eye outInterpreting DocSpeakBlending the neurotic anxieties of Woody Allen, the folksiness of Garrison Keillor, and the absurdist vision of Dave Barry, Gene Weingarten conjures up a hilarious prescription for the hypochondriac that lurks inside all of us.Standing in a River Waving a Stick (John Gierach's Fly-fishing Library)
Par John Gierach. 2000
Brilliant, witty, perceptive essays about fly-fishing, the natural world, and life in general by the acknowledged master of fishing writers.With…
his inimitable combination of wit and wisdom, John Gierach once again celebrates the fly-fishing life in Standing in a River Waving a Stick and notes its benefits as a sport, philosophical pursuit, even therapy: “The solution to any problem—work, love, money, whatever—is to go fishing, and the worse the problem, the longer the trip should be.” After all, fly-fishing does teach important life lessons, says Gierach—about solitude, patience, perspective, humor, and the sublime coffee break.Recounting both memorable fishing spots and memorable fish, Gierach discusses what makes a good fly pattern, the ethics of writing about undiscovered trout waters, the dread of getting skunked, and the camaraderie of fellow fishermen who can end almost any conversation with “Well, it’s sort of like fishing, isn’t it?” Reflecting on a lifetime of lessons learned at the end of a fly rod, Gierach concludes, “The one inscription you don’t want carved on your tombstone is ‘The Poor Son of a Bitch Didn’t Fish Enough.’” Fortunately for Gierach fans, this is not likely to happen.Into the Twilight, Endlessly Grousing
Par Patrick F. McManus. 1997
Like Twain -- or more contemporary humorists Dave Barry and Garrison Keillor -- Patrick McManus shares the belief that life's…
eternal verities exist primarily to be overturned. In McManus's world, all steaks should be chicken-fried, strong coffee is drunk by the light of a campfire, and fishing trips consist of men acting like boys and boys behaving like the small animals we've always assumed they were.In this, the tenth hilarious collection of his adventures, wry observations, and curmudgeonly calls for bigger and bigger fish stories, McManus takes on everything from an Idaho crime wave to his friend Dolph's atomic-powered huckleberry picker to the uncertain joys of standing waist-deep in icy water, watching the fish go by.Born on a Rotten Day: Illuminating and Coping with the Dark Side of the Zodiac
Par Hazel Dixon-Cooper. 2003
In this wickedly funny guide, professional astrologer Hazel Dixon-Cooper casts off sugar-coated astrology in favor of exploring the maladjusted side…
of the universe. If you want the inside scoop, the real deal, the lowdown on each sun sign, then look no further.It's time to forget those traditional astrology books where Sagittarians are gregarious, Capricorns are ambitious, and Pisceans are dreamers. Instead, enter a world where Archers are loud-mouthed bores, Goats are pompous social climbers, and Fish are chronically helpless. Dixon-Cooper debunks the myths, reveals the flaws, and examines the dubious virtues of each sun sign. Discover how to use your own inner brat to outwit bullies, outmaneuver manipulators, and win those endless games that lovers play. Learn how to deal with those dysfunctional people you encounter every day, including how to:contain a Ram's oversized ego calm a raging Bullkeep a fickle Twin faithfulIrreverent, biting, and laugh-out-loud funny, Born on a Rotten Day exaggerates the bad, exorcises the good, and puts a new spin on the age-old question -- what's your sign?I Wrote This Book Because I Love You: Essays
Par Tim Kreider. 2019
*A People Top 10 Book of 2018*The New York Times essayist and author of We Learn Nothing, Tim Kreider trains…
his singular power of observation on his (often befuddling) relationships with women.Psychologists have told him he&’s a psychologist. Philosophers have told him he&’s a philosopher. Religious groups have invited him to speak. He had a cult following as a cartoonist. But, above all else, Tim Kreider is an essayist—one whose deft prose, uncanny observations, dark humor, and emotional vulnerability have earned him deserved comparisons to David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell, and the late David Foster Wallace (who was himself a fan of Kreider&’s humor).&“Beautifully written, with just enough humor to balance his spikiness&” (Booklist), I Wrote This Book Because I Love You focuses Tim&’s unique perception and wit on his relationships with women—romantic, platonic, and the murky in-between. He talks about his difficulty finding lasting love and seeks to understand his commitment issues by tracking down the John Hopkins psychologist who tested him for a groundbreaking study on attachment when he was a toddler. He talks about his valued female friendships, one of which landed him on a circus train bound for Mexico. He talks about his time teaching young women at an upstate New York college, and the profound lessons they wound up teaching him. And in a hugely popular essay that originally appeared in The New York Times, he talks about his nineteen-year-old cat, wondering if it&’s the most enduring relationship he&’ll ever have.&“In a style reminiscent of Orwell, E.B. White and David Sedaris&” (The New York Times Book Review), each of these pieces is &“heartbreaking, brutal, and hilarious&” (Judd Apatow), and collectively they cement Kreider&’s place among the best essayists working today.Hungry Heart: Adventures in Life, Love, and Writing
Par Jennifer Weiner. 2016
A “fiercely funny, powerfully smart, and remarkably brave” memoir from a #1 New York Times–bestselling author (Cheryl Strayed, #1 New…
York Times–bestselling author of Wild).Jennifer Weiner is many things: a bestselling author, a Twitter phenomenon, and an “unlikely feminist enforcer” (The New Yorker). She’s also a mom, a daughter, and a sister, a clumsy yogini, and a reality-TV devotee. In this “unflinching look at her own experiences” (Entertainment Weekly), Jennifer fashions uproarishly funny and moving tales of modern-day womanhood.No subject is off-limits in these intimate and honest essays: sex, weight, envy, money, her mother’s coming out of the closet, her estranged father’s death. From lonely adolescence to hearing her six-year-old daughter say the F word—fat—for the first time, Jen dives into the heart of female experience, with the wit and candor that have endeared her to readers all over the world.“Generous and entertaining.” —Publishers Weekly, starred review“You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to read it again.” —TheSkimm“I’m mad Jennifer’s Weiner’s first book of essays is as wonderful as her fiction. You will love this book and wish she was your friend.” —Mindy Kaling, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of Why Not Me?If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
Par Julia Sweeney. 2013
“I took so long to assemble my lovely family. If only they would disappear.” While Julia Sweeney is known as…
a talented comedienne and writer and performer of her one-woman shows, she is also a talented essayist. Happily for us, the past few years have provided her with some rich material. Julia adopted a Chinese girl named Mulan (“After the movie?”) and then, a few years later, married and moved from Los Angeles to Chicago. She writes about deciding to adopt her child, strollers, nannies (including the Chinese Pat), knitting, being adopted by a dog, The Food Network, and meeting Mr. Right through an email from a complete stranger who wrote, “Desperately Seeking Sweeney-in-Law.” She recounts how she explained the facts of life to nine-year-old Mulan, a story that became a wildly popular TED talk and YouTube video. Some of the essays reveal Julia’s ability to find that essential thread of human connection, whether it’s with her mother-in-law, who candidly reveals a story that most people would keep a secret, or with an anonymous customer service rep during a late-night phone call. But no matter what the topic, Julia always writes with elegant precision, pinning her jokes with razor-sharp observations while articulating feelings that we all share. Poignant, provocative, and wise, this is a funny, and at times powerful, memoir by a woman living her life with originality and intelligence.Yat Wit: Chicken Gumbo for the New Orleans Soul
Par Yvonne Spear Perret. 2011
"They say when you enter New Orleans, you leave the United States. Yat Wit leaves no doubt that New Orleans…
is an enigma with its own culture and language. . . . Everyone who crosses into the city limits should be required to buy a copy of Yat Wit on the spot." -Bob Walker, WTIX-FM, New OrleansDerived from the common greeting, "Where y'at?" a yat is a New Orleanian who speaks with a distinct phraseology and pronunciation. This candid book honors the yat with a collection of humorous essays that detail the quirks and perks of life in New Orleans. From the dilemma of deciding who gets the third and final beignet to the battle for plastic beads during Mardi Gras, this lighthearted compilation covers both eccentric and everyday experiences. Twenty two laugh-out-loud chapters include such vignettes as "Spell Check," which laments the way Word documents attempt to correct common New Orleans terms. "Mardi Gras Recycled," offers creative suggestions for parade-goers wondering what to do with their catches, while "Season According to Taste" notes that New Orleanians mark the times of the year by such delicacies as king cake and crawfish. In an essay titled "Big Easy Etiquette," Miss Emilie Peaust provides readers with the manners necessary for avoiding a collision with a streetcar, eating a sloppy roast beef po' boy, and poaching a ladder during a Carnival parade. Whether enjoyed by a long-time local or a visitor, Yat Wit reminds readers why New Orleanians remain resilient in the effort to resurrect and preserve their beloved city.Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
Par Chelsea Handler. 2008
The absurdly hilarious #1 New York Times bestseller by the author of Life Will Be the Death of Me.When Chelsea…
Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. Seems reasonable, considering that she discovered her boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo and she had to pretend to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class.In this highly entertaining, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she’s convincing her third-grade class that she has been chosen to play Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her . . . only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her an icon of modern comedy.“Handler’s laugh-out-loud stories will have you hooked from page one.” —Cosmo