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Uncle John is back with the 36th annual Bathroom Reader, an all-new collection of entertaining articles that explore the weird…
and wonderful world we live in.In this 36th edition of Uncle John&’s Bathroom Reader, longtime fans and new readers alike will be astounded by a treasure trove of wonderfully weird (and true!) stories that explore the realms of pop culture, history, sports, science, and everyday folks, including the always popular misadventures of dumb crooks. Uncle John and his team at the Bathroom Readers&’ Institute have reached into all corners of the world to bring you this all-new collection of entertaining and informative articles that include short reads for a quick trip to the throne room as well as longer page-turners for when you take an extended visit. You&’ll also find a plethora of amusing lists, odd factoids, quotes, and quizzes that will tickle every trivia enthusiast&’s fancy.Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into California (Plunges Into)
Par Bathroom Readers' Institute. 2012
Look beneath the surface of the world's most interesting people--past and present--to uncover what makes them tick. Uncle John's Bathroom…
Reader Plunges into Great Lives looks beneath the surface and uncovers fascinating but little-known stories behind the famous, the near-famous, the infamous, and the should-have-been famous. You'll meet child prodigies, spies, traitors, celebrities (and sidekicks), gossips, hermits, humanitarians, and zealots. There are incredible stories here, and every one is true. Sit back and prepare to be amazed when you read about:America's first prima ballerinaThe man who invented tap dancingStephen Hawking and his ongoing quest for loveVidal Sassoon: hairdresser by day, freedom-fighter by nightSex therapist Dr. Ruth's early years as an Israeli soldierThe other Boleyn girl in Henry VIII's bedThe nerd who changed the worldSix degrees of Kevin Bacon And much, much more!How to Speak Baseball: An Illustrated Guide to Ballpark Banter
Par James Charlton, Sally Cook. 2014
This handsome guide to the language of baseball decodes the amusing, clever phrases that pepper commentary about the sport. Packed…
with witty explanations of everything from "duster" and "rubber arm" to "up the elevator," this ballpark lexicon plays on a nostalgic love for the national pastime while covering ground from baseball's beginnings to today. This humorous mix of definitions and anecdotes is the perfect gift for both lifelong baseball fans and rookies working up the ranks.No Land's Man
Par Aasif Mandvi. 2014
"It always bothered me that Aasif was more than merely funny-he's also a great actor. Now I've learned he's an…
amazing storyteller as well, and I am furious . . . but also grateful. Aasif's movement between cultures and genres is what makes him and his story singularly funny, poignant, and essential."- John Hodgman, author of The Areas of My Expertise and More Information Than You Require"My father moved our family to the United States because of a word. It was a word whose meaning fascinated him. It was a singularly American word, a fat word, a word that could only be spoken with decadent pride. That word was . . . Brunch! 'The beauty of America,' he would say, 'is they have so much food, that between breakfast and lunch they have to stop and eat again.'" —from "International House of Patel"If you're an Indo-Muslim-British-American actor who has spent more time in bars than mosques over the past few decades, turns out it's a little tough to explain who you are or where you are from. In No Land's Man Aasif Mandvi explores this and other conundrums through stories about his family, ambition, desire, and culture that range from dealing with his brunch-obsessed father, to being a high-school-age Michael Jackson impersonator, to joining a Bible study group in order to seduce a nice Christian girl, to improbably becoming America's favorite Muslim/Indian/Arab/Brown/Doctor correspondent on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.This is a book filled with passion, discovery, and humor. Mandvi hilariously and poignantly describes a journey that will resonate with anyone who has had to navigate his or her way in the murky space between lands. Or anyone who really loves brunch.**A New York Times Bestseller!** Based on the wildly popular Instagram account, Subpar Parks features both the greatest hits and…
brand-new content, all celebrating the incredible beauty and variety of America&’s national parks juxtaposed with the clueless and hilarious one-star reviews posted by visitors. Subpar Parks, both on the popular Instagram page and in this humorous, informative, and collectible book, combines two things that seem like they might not work together yet somehow harmonize perfectly: beautiful illustrations and informative, amusing text celebrating each national park paired with the one-star reviews disappointed tourists have left online. Millions of visitors each year enjoy Glacier National Park, but for one visitor, it was simply "Too cold for me!" Another saw the mind-boggling vistas of Bryce Canyon as "Too spiky!" Never mind the person who visited the thermal pools at Yellowstone National Park and left thinking, &“Save yourself some money, boil some water at home.&” Featuring more than 50 percent new material, the book will include more depth and insight into the most popular parks, such as Yosemite, Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, and Acadia National Parks; anecdotes and tips from rangers; and much more about author Amber Share's personal love and connection to the outdoors. Equal parts humor and love for the national parks and the great outdoors, it's the perfect gift for anyone who loves to spend time outside as well as have a good read (and laugh) once they come indoors.Tommy Cooper All In One Joke Book: Book Joke, Joke Book
Par Tommy Cooper. 2014
My wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree.A big white horse walks into a pub.…
The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?'I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.'I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences.I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.'I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.Lump It or Leave It
Par Florence King. 1990
Lump It or Leave It, Florence King's latest volume of rapier-edged contemplations on American tomfoolery--er, values--takes on everything from the…
hazards of fame to the joys of menopause, with all of the bile and brio that has made her the nation's most beloved misanthrope. From college professors ("incapable of earning a living with either their minds or their hands") to the South ("if at first you don't secede, try, try, again") to the U.S. government ("the crude leading the crud"), few fools remain unskewered by the reigning Queen of Spleen.O. J. in the Morning, G&T at Night: Spirited Dispatches on Aging with Joie de Vivre
Par A. E. Hotchner. 2013
"Acclaimed author and feisty nonagenarian Hotchner's witty ruminations about the art of living well into old age...with brio and a…
touch of his trademark sass, Hotchner writes about rediscovering love after 75, finding joy in a scrappy African gray parrot he named after his longtime friend, Ernest Hemingway, and going on his very first safari at age 88." - Kirkus ReviewsWhen youngsters in their seventies and eighties, nervously lurching toward the horizon of ninety, ask me, "What's the secret?" That's what I tell them: "O.J. in the morning, gin and tonic at night."You don't have to be in your seventies or eighties to enjoy A. E. Hotchner's elixir for aging happily, but after reading this charming collection of essays, you may wish you were. Nonagenarian, novelist, playwright, and biographer, Hotchner gives us heartfelt and laugh-out-loud anecdotes that describe his unique reflections on the aging process. His musings cover everything from the outlandish commercials that target the older generation (Viagra, Cialis, and Flomax) to suggestions on adapting the tennis game for seniors (he suggests lowering the net by two inches and moving all outer lines two feet inward) to the advantages of having a pet (his pet parrot often tells guests to "kiss my ass").He can equally capture the headier side of aging, which is bittersweetly revealed in his piece about divorce. With his disarming, eloquent voice and dry sense of humor, Hotch illuminates life's wisdoms through his optimistic, witty, and romantic outlook, all the while making you feel, well, not unhappy about growing older.O.J. in the Morning, G&T at Night is a book of courageous advice, humorous wisdom, and, above all, good strategies for how to stay young at heart.Postmodern Pooh
Par Frederick Crews. 2001
A sequel of sorts to the classic (and bestselling) sendup of literary criticism, The Pooh PerplexThirty-seven years ago, a slim…
parody of academic literary criticism called The Pooh Perplex became a surprise bestseller. Now Frederick Crews has written a hilarious new satire in the same vein. Purporting to be the proceedings of a forum on Pooh convened at the Modern Language Association's annual convention, Postmodern Pooh brilliantly parodies the academic fads and figures that hold sway at the millennium.Deconstruction, poststructuralist Marxism, new historicism, radical feminism, cultural studies, recovered-memory theory, and postcolonialism, among other methods, take their shots at the poor teddy bear and Crews takes his shots at them. The fun lies in seeing just how much adulteration Pooh can stand.Have some fun with your native tongue!In The Cunning Linguist, renowned language expert Richard Lederer shows us the naughtier side…
of wordplay, revealing hundreds of hilarious, ingenious, unabashed, and adults-only puns, jokes, limericks, one-liners, and other adventures in sexual humor. This book of "good, clean dirty fun" will delight word hounds, punsters, bachelor-party goers, and anyone who likes a clever grown-up joke.Here's a taste of The Cunning Linguist:Q: What does a man have in his pants that you can also find on a pool table?A: Pockets.Have you heard about the incompatible couple?He had no income, and she wasn't pattable.The four stages of a couple's sex life:Under 35: Tri-weekly35-45: Try weekly45-55: Try weakly55 and over: Try, try, try.For much more, sneak between the covers of this unique and laugh-out-loud book.The Wit and Wisdom of Downton Abbey (The World of Downton Abbey)
Par Jessica Fellowes. 2015
This wonderful collection of quotes and photographs from the Emmy Award-winning television phenomenon--now a feature film--is a perfect gift for…
Downton Abbey fans."Come war and peace Downton still stands and the Crawleys are still in it."Downton Abbey is loved the world over for its fabulous costumes, beautiful scenery, wonderful characters and intricate plot lines, but what keeps millions of us coming back time after time is the stellar quality of the writing. With each stroke of his pen Julian Fellowes seems to gift us with a cuttingly dry quip from the Dowager Countess, a perfectly timed word of wisdom from Mrs Patmore or a touchingly nostalgic pronouncement from Carson.Here in The Wit and Wisdom of Downton Abbey, Jessica Fellowes has gathered together her favorite quotes from the complete Downton Abbey oeuvre to take each of us back to the most memorable moments from the show and ensure we are armed with the very best ripostes should we ever need to chastise an impertinent lady's maid.How I Got This Way
Par Patrick F. McManus. 1994
Patrick McManus, the bestselling author of such hilarious books as A Fine and Pleasant Misery and Never Sniff a Gift…
Fish, now offers readers solid thoughts on the qualities that define leadership, beginning with the need to be tall, and much more, in this outrageous collection of short pieces that reveals his tortuous trip along the writer's path.Duke Sucks: A Completely Even-Handed, Unbiased Investigation into the Most Evil Team on Planet Earth
Par Reed Tucker, Andy Bagwell. 2012
In the ranks of NCAA college basketball, Duke University is like something scraped off the bottom of a shoe. It's…
like a nasty virus you catch from a door handle at a public toilet.No team in sports is as uniquely hated as those smug, entitled, floor-slapping, fist-pumping, insufferable Blue Devils. The loathing has almost reached the level of a religion. Christian Laettner is a punk. Amen. The Cameron Crazies are obnoxious. The Plumlees are worthless times three. Coach K is a jerk. Kumbaya. The team is dogged by an intense hatred that no other team can match—and for good reason. Millions of hoops fans and March Madness aficionados around the world are not imagining things. Duke really is evil, and within the pages of Duke Sucks, Reed Tucker and Andy Bagwell show readers exactly why Duke deserves to be so detested. They bruise and batter the Blue Devils with fact after fact, story after story, statistic after statistic. They build an airtight case that could stand up in a court of law. So sit back in your "I Hate Duke" t-shirt, and in true Duke fashion, force someone poorer than you to do your work as you crack open the ultimate guide to Duke suckitude.Super Smutty Sign Language
Par Kristin Henson. 2013
A book of truly obscene and offensive insults, sex terms, and pop culture phrases translated into American Sign Language-from the…
YouTube sensation with more than 2 million views and countingHave you ever been in a noisy bar and wanted to insult or pick up someone? Now you can say:- Douche canoe- Cum dumpster- I lost my virginity, can I have yours?- There's a party in my pants, and you're invited- Do you spit or swallow?- Does the carpet match the curtains?- Gargle my balls- Was that a queef?- You cum-guzzling ass-pirate!- Sperm burper- Let's play leap-frog naked!There are plenty of books and Websites that teach you basic sign language phrases like "Hello," "I love you," and some even cross the line into crass with "fuck you," "asshole," or "bite me," but Super Smutty Sign Language is the only book that delivers truly obscene and offensive insults, sex terms, and pop culture phrases including "Suck a bag of dicks," "Bitch, please!" "You motorboating son of a bitch!" and "Blumpkin". Kristin Henson, creator of the YouTube channel Dirty Signs with Kristin, presents over 200 dirty, vulgar, foul, and disgusting words and phrases guaranteed to make you blush.Home Is Burning: A Memoir
Par Dan Marshall. 2015
An Entertainment Weekly Best Book of the Year, 2015For the Marshalls, laughter is the best medicine. Especially when combined with…
alcohol, pain pills, excessive cursing, sexual escapades, actual medicine, and more alcohol.Meet Dan Marshall. 25, good job, great girlfriend, and living the dream life in sunny Los Angeles without a care in the world. Until his mother calls. And he ignores it, as you usually do when Mom calls. Then she calls again. And again. Dan thought things were going great at home. But it turns out his mom's cancer, which she had battled throughout his childhood with tenacity and a mouth foul enough to make a sailor blush, is back. And to add insult to injury, his loving father has been diagnosed with ALS. Sayonara L.A., Dan is headed home to Salt Lake City, Utah.Never has there been a more reluctant family reunion: His older sister is resentful, having stayed closer to home to bear the brunt of their mother's illness. His younger brother comes to lend a hand, giving up a journalism career and evenings cruising Chicago gay bars. His next younger sister, a sullen teenager, is a rebel with a cause. And his baby sister - through it all - can only think about her beloved dance troop. Dan returns to shouting matches at the dinner table, old flames knocking at the door, and a speech device programmed to help his father communicate that is as crude as the rest of them. But they put their petty differences aside and form Team Terminal, battling their parents' illnesses as best they can, when not otherwise distracted by the chaos that follows them wherever they go. Not even the family cats escape unscathed.As Dan steps into his role as caregiver, wheelchair wrangler, and sibling referee, he watches pieces of his previous life slip away, and comes to realize that the further you stretch the ties that bind, the tighter they hold you together.Adding a Little Levity: Essays to Lighten a Tough Day
Par Robert J. Licalzi, Blue Star Press. 2018
"In today’s world of uncertainty and weighty decisions, Adding A Little Levity, is the perfect bedtime read. A chapter a…
night will leave you smiling, as you drift off into a peaceful sleep. The problem is—you’ll be chuckling in your dreams." — Sally Fernandez, Author of the "Max Ford Thriller" Series. Make someone smile and you have done well; make someone laugh out loud, and you have achieved something greater. This witty, wry collection of essays takes the reader from a blue-collar boyhood in Queens across the river to cutthroat Wall Street, across the seas to Japan and Puerto Rico, and back again. Reality and hyperbole collide in tales of life’s universal and painful experiences—the big interview, meeting your future in-laws, and travel debacles galore—where to "add a little levity" is to survive, and thrive!Stories from a Moron: Real Stories Rejected by Real Magazines
Par Ed Broth. 2004
"Sorry, there's no way we can use this."- Plumpers Magazine"As a word of advice, it always helps for writers to…
be familiar with the publications they submit material to."- Fencers Quarterly MagazineEd writes short stories. He's prolific. And desperate to get published. But he sends his stories to the wrong magazines. As for the magazines? Well, they don't mind telling him so:"Dear Ed: I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry...""Dear Ed: Thank you for your recent submission to Steamboat Magazine; it was wonderful to hear how much our magazine has touched you...""Dear Ed: We do not publish stories about individuals like Conugal Cal, or about underwear-no matter how often references are made to fencing.""Dear Mr. Broth: Thank you for providing the editors with an opportunity to review your manuscript, 'Luau Lester'...""Dear Mr. Broth: Thank you for the opportunity to review your article, 'My Car Ride with Daddy,' for possible publication in Mushing..."With this book, Ed Broth finally sees his work published. His "Stories of Hope & Inspiration" and his "Stories of Meaning & Sacrament" plus his passionate pitches to place his writing in our nation's premier publications-from Pest Control Magazine to Arthritis Today-are all to be found in the book you hold in your hands.Some might have advised Ed not to send his story "I Love Dogs" to I Love Cats Magazine or to stop submitting revised stories to editors who have already turned them down. But, well, that's just not the way Ed's mind works. Studded like a rich cranberry strudel with nuggets of genius -from cartoons and advertisements to actual newspaper articles from across the country - Stories From a Moron is an addictive journey into the mind of a great talent.Life Is Funny Until It's Not: A Comic's Story of Love, Loss, and Lunacy
Par Chonda Pierce. 2024
One of America&’s funniest women opens up in this real and raw memoir, encouraging readers to face life&’s trials with…
unshakeable faith and joy.A stand-up comedian beloved for her combination of feisty wit and Southern charm, Pierce knows all too well that life is funny—until it&’s not. But she also knows that it will become funny again. She&’s held on to that hope—and that promise—through tragedy and triumph.And now she&’s finally ready to tell her full story.In Life Is Funny until It&’s Not, Pierce recounts a preacher&’s daughter&’s childhood filled with heartbreak, including abuse, her parents&’ divorce, and the sudden deaths of her two sisters in the span of two years. Even after she achieved success in her comedy tours, trials and tragedy dogged her through marriage, motherhood, and widowhood. But God was there with her through every sorrow and every joy.This story of unshakeable hope and faith will inspire readers to turn to God and trust his faithfulness.Chonda Pierce has a white-knuckle faith—the kind you almost dare to have taken from you. And she wants her readers to share her unapologetic courage to hope—as well as a few laughs along the way.Gudetama Cross-Stitch: 30 Easy-to-Follow Patterns from Your Favorite Lazy Egg
Par Sosae Caetano, Dennis Caetano. 2024
Gudetama Cross-Stitch combines cross-stitching fun with 30 easy-to-follow patterns inspired by everyone's favorite lazy egg with the can't-be-bothered attitude. Gudetama&’s…
name literally translates to &“lazy egg,&” and it&’s how we all feel sometimes when it comes to, well, pretty much anything. But if you&’re the kind of person who doesn&’t have time for complicated crafts or dealing with other people, then this collection of 30 Gudetama-inspired designs are just for you. First, you&’ll learn cross-stitching basics including tools and techniques and how to read a cross-stitch chart. Then you&’ll apply your new skills to a range of hilarious and lovable patterns organized into chapters like Lazy, Medium-Lazy, and Pay Attention—depending on how sluggish or motivated you&’re feeling. Finally, you&’ll be able to apply your masterpieces to projects like gift tags, greeting cards, and ornaments. Whether you&’re an experienced cross-stitcher or new to the craft, you&’ll find a variety of poses and patterns in this book that are accessible and easy to learn. With a little patience and practice, anyone can bring these Gudetama-inspired masterpieces to life. And if not, just take a nap.Oh, Bother: Winnie-the-Pooh is Befuddled, Too (A Smackerel-Sized Parody of Modern Life)
Par Jennie Egerdie. 2024
Welcome back to the Hundred Acre Wood as Winnie-the-Pooh and friends acclimate to the joys and worries of the 21st…
century in this heartfelt parody. The world has changed in the hundred years since A. A. Milne introduced us to Winnie-the-Pooh and his pals, but that doesn&’t mean our lovable friends haven&’t adapted to life in the twenty-first century. In this heartwarming, laugh-out-loud parody, Jennie Egerdie, author of the celebrated Frog and Toad are Doing Their Best, takes us along for some marvelous misadventures as the gang grapples with modern life&’s headaches and pesky predicaments. Like the rest of us, Pooh worries about what the dwindling bee population will do to his beloved honey, while Owl discovers how far too easily misinformation can spread online. Kanga hopes she can have a night off from raising Roo, and Eeyore is finally taking care of his mental health with the help of Dr Festinker, the neighborhood therapist (and skunk). Things may not always make sense in our world, but Winnie-the-Pooh always bounds ahead, day by day and smackeral by smackeral.